You have to be wondering what your partner will think of what you're asking for. Will you be mocked, understood or asked what took you so long? Is there even a name for what you want to do? Is there a right and a wrong way to ease into the conversation? What if it didn't get you off once you got what you wanted? Here's our list of best practices to start a conversation about the unmentionables.

1. Don't be sneaky. Be patient.

You gave yourself weeks to think about it, minutes even. Now you want to mention something and judge the response without setting up the question properly. Let your partner know that what you're about to talk about (not ask about—you're not there yet) and that it's been on your mind lately. Your tone should be serious but democratic. Relax your back against the chair and look your partner in the eye. Don't know what to say? Keep reading.

2. Organize your thoughts to demonstrate trust and safety.

But I'm an extemporaneous speaker, you say. I speak from the heart, you say. Right. Well, when you start fumbling and mumbling and you feel yourself pulling away from the back of the chair, here's what you'll wish you'd organized yourself to say:

    • You neither want nor expect an immediate response to what you're about to say, and, if possible, please hold any questions until you've finished. You only ask to be heard and instead of a reaction, you would prefer a response. 
    • The name of your fetish and any variations of it.
    • What you find interesting or attractive about it.
    • Whether or not you've ever experienced the fetish, leaving out names to protect the innocent.
    • If you practiced the fetish before, how you discovered it and the effect it had on you. If not, what you're expecting—fully prepared to discover it is not your thing...and that it's a risk we take whenever we try something new.
    • With nothing more to add, you appreciate being heard and wonder if there are any immediate questions you can answer.
    • Answer the questions, pausing only to order an appetizer and another round of beverages. What does it mean when there are no questions and no comments? Read on.

3. Give your partner time to think about what you've said.

Avoid misreading silence. Give your partner a chance to take it in. A few things could be swirling around in the mind of your intended:

    • Wondering whether or not this is the time to mention similar interests.
    • Imagining and re-imagining the fetish you described based on preconceived notions.
    • Assessing and considering if there are psychological/social/religious boundaries that would prevent the exploration of the fetish with you.
    • Calculating the cost of the equipment involved.
    • Thinking of a way to change the subject.

On that last point, this should not be necessary. Read the body language, watch the eyes. Make no apologies for anything but making the person uncomfortable. You are who you are. Leave it at that. Should your intended reconsider, you will hear about it again. We promise. Worst case scenario? You spoke your truth.

4. Make the Prom Night Promise & Agree on a Safe Word 

So, you got the go-ahead? Right on! Now we're getting somewhere. Shop our Collections or have your partner pick something out using a Big Daddy Gift Card and we'll ship your order to you discreetly. 
Your Safe Word is an absolute necessity because it's the only way for you to know when No means No. That being the case, it's best not to use No as a Safe Word. 
Now that the products are out of the box, everybody knows what time it is. Say nothing more. Never try to organize the fun or say when it's going down. Just be ready for when it does. Shop the Commissary to make sure you're ready for what happens next.

 BONUS TIP: Try being alone, together.

Let's say your partner is willing to meet you half way. They don't mind if it's your thing but it's just not how they want to get down. Now what?

Before you make difficult decisions, we suggest a VR device to enjoy your fetish scene privately (viewing through the headset) in their presence (without making your partner suffer). What they do with themselves in the meantime can be found in the Couples collection.